How To Be Miserable
10 Simple Commandments
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Today's topic is a fun twist to introduce better ways of thinking. It’s another collaboration with
from and borrows from his insights on how to be miserable while weaving together solutions for that misery.
I’ve been on a Stoicism kick recently, mainly because every time I study it, I find something helpful to apply to the chaos we perceive in the world around us. I’ve also been on a kick because Andrew writes so many good articles on stoicism.
Today, we’re going to take a different tact from our normal aspirational focus. Instead, I want to give you the 10 commandments of how to be totally and utterly miserable in your life. These are a distillation of Andrew’s work on The Five Commandments of Misery and The Final Commandments of Misery and repackaged for your misery.
1) Thou Shalt Label Thyself and Chafe at Labels
Your identity should be crammed with as many labels as you can find. Team blue or team red? Cisgender or transgender? White collar or working class? The key is to ensure you claim as many labels as you can, with extra points for multiple hyphenations. Simultaneously, you must rail against any labels someone may apply to you. The key is to not understand how to stereotype properly so as to guarantee you’re angry that no one gets it right.
2) Thou Shalt Scorn Awe
You must never experience awe on the road to misery. You get extra points for constantly denigrating the awe of someone else. The trick is to always be irreverent while demanding reverence for your own irreverence.
3) Thou Shalt Not Avail Thyself of History
History is racist, sexist, [insert pejorative], and there is nothing to learn. Worse, the myths of the past are all factually incorrect and contain no valuable lessons. These archaic beliefs are best thrown away as they never existed to solve problems.
4) Thou Shalt Be Unreliable
Commitments are for those who don’t have important things to distract them. Your dedication to avoiding personal and professional commitments is crucial. Have you made an appointment? Be late, or break it entirely. Signed a contract? Signatures mean nothing. Promised anything to anyone? All promises are conditional. Except the promises of others, which you must hold them to. It’s important to not only be unreliable in your actions but also in your expectations of yourself and others.
5) Thou Shalt Go Down, Stay Down, And Complain
Trauma, any trauma, will shatter you, and catastrophizing is key. When experiencing the slightest setback or blow, fall and stay down. Whine a lot and roll around dramatically for effect. Make sure you convince yourself as well as onlookers of your painful suffering. Own it as an identity.
6) Thou Shalt Use Substances To Feel Good
If you aren’t pharmacologialized with a fistful of psychotropics, are you even normal? Even better, combine it with food, alcohol, or anything that gets that dopamine flowing and ensure there’s no acknowledgment of personal agency. Your addictions are the fault of someone else, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
8) Thou Shalt Have Strong Opinions:
You must exist at the extreme of passion in supporting the current thing. Unadulterated emotion will prove all of your points. Assume all others hold equally strong opinions. Ensure you expect from others what you expect from yourself and never check to see if you’re arguing into a mirror.
9) Thou Shalt Be Spiritual Without Handcuffs
This one is better if you’re spiritual without a single understanding of any religion. Fill that God-shaped hole with whichever group feels right in the moment, and fervently focus all of that need for belonging into zealotry.
10) Thou Shalt Wallow in Apocalypse
The future will only kill you. Constantly view the world as more dangerous, evil, political, etc. than reality suggests. The only good things are in the past, specifically that timeframe when you came of age as a young adult. Crucially, ensure this commandment conflicts with #3 and that you suffer cognitive dissonance if any countering information is pointed out.
Now that you’re properly miserable, scroll back, if you dare, and notice that each linked Essay is an antidote. Each provides insights to help unshackle your misery and help you see the world in new ways.
What are ways that you’ve fallen into one of these misery traps? What have you done to break free?
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Charlie Munger just smiled the tiniest bit from six feet under. Rest in peace, master inverter!
Inversion is easily one of my favorite thinking tools.
This was really insightful. I love how you framed it. How to be miserable... made me rethink a few things on that list that I do!