As a young X-er (born in 79), I agree with a lot of what you're saying here. While i don't have kids, a lot of my X peers and family members do, and yes, helicopter is what I've been saying for years. As afraid as middle management, your probably right on that count, but I also believe it's highly dependent on the industry- the boomers were the horrible ones in my experience, then the millennials a close second.
I love Gen Z and I don't understand the hate (which is know is real). But there is definitely a fragility in a lot of these Z kids that unfortunately is a result of what you discussed.
To give X some credit though, we straddled a strange time between zero technology to not being able to live without it. Society is booming and we were born at the beginning of it. I also don't agree that crime is lower, it's just better broadcast, and there are more precautions to combat it (via helicoptering... not to say its the right way to do it).
Anyway, that's my 2 cents, and I personally don't like the Gen X hate that I've been seeing lately. I remember as a kid, I was always told to "show respect for your elders," and now that I'm approaching elder age, I see less and less respect for our generation. It's unfortunate because I waited for the day to be taken seriously, only to be told that I'm a worthless old person.
There's a lot of generational angst. I think the pushback, especially in my case, is the general Gen X attitude that they've avoided any issues. If each group of 'elders' took responsibility for their own foibles, we'd be a lot better. I know I'm going to screw up my kids somehow. My goal is to be honest with them and help them do better.
Completely agree - and I can appreciate the self awareness about potentially screwing up your kids... a good parent cares about this, and i think your approach is sound. Generations seem to move in extreme flux, which i hope starts to become a smaller sine curve as the years go on 🫠
You're far too young to be old :) Your generation suffered from following the ridiculously long powerhouse of the "Greatest Generation" and the overwhelming spoilage of the Boomers--children of those men who returned from WW2 with undiagnosed PTSD and held control locally and nationally through seven presidencies! (Reagan wasn't real military, but he played one in war-propaganda movies).
Hi, good comment, but crime is objectively lower, I’d recommend some Steven Pinker if you want to read or listen to a purely data driven view on how much less violence there is in the world than there was.
Lots to parse here. As with anything sociological, political, religious, etc., we tend to view people in blocs; I assume it's one of those "evolutionary survival skills" or somesuch. Discussing these kinds of things always leads to broad generalities, which you acknowledge. I'm a Gen-Xer (77) raised by a Boomer (52) who was raised by a Silent (29), so a three-consecutive generational span there, but my kids are early Z's (01, 02, 04).
Dealing with our childhoods is a complex endeavor, and leads to many different responses. Sometimes, if our childhoods were pleasant, we tend to repeat the mistakes of our parents because "that's how we were raised." If our childhoods were traumatic, we may repeat the mistakes of our parents because "that's how we're conditioned." We may respond positively to trauma and determine never to make the same mistakes our parents did. On the other hand, we may respond negatively to trauma and determine never to "do that to my kids," thus the helicopter parent is born. Both Helicopter Parenting and Karen Syndrome seem to me to be either Gen-X responses to trauma, or Millennial responses to being raised by older Boomers.
In my case, I was an only child of a single father in a small California town whose industries were Timber and Tourism. I had a terribly traumatic school experience through Elementary School and the first two years of High School, but home life was ok. My Dad spent a lot of time with his computer and his Ham Radio and his guitar, and thus I spent a great deal of time entertaining myself. It's one reason I've become a fiction writer, because I entertained myself with storytelling--roleplay with action figures or outside with my imagination, or movies or cartoons--all the time. I never craved extra attention, and that could just be due to my personality makeup. Other kids would have suffered under that, and perhaps become helicopter parents in the sense that "I'm going to be present, unlike my parents," and there you have it.
I also am very grateful that I was raised going to church. Understanding the Biblical stories and the Gospel helped me view suffering as being for a purpose. A lot of other Gen-X kids didn't have that, or resisted it strongly. My Dad was never big on drilling it into me, he just insisted I be exposed to it, it also helped that he was there and active, but I never saw him display hypocrisy. Other Gen-X kids who went to church had a lot of overbearing rules about it, and witnessed hypocritical behavior. I was not a natural rebel. I obeyed my Dad and my Grandparents who helped raise me later, because I knew they loved me.
My last two years of High School we moved because my Dad endured a nervous breakdown. When your dad is waking up from nightmares and eating the cat food, that can be a traumatic experience for any kid. My grandparents moved us and he got treatment, and I got a new start. I learned how to be more resilient, less socially-awkward, stand up for myself, and finished High School in a blue-collar copper mining town that was far less cliquish. I didn't do the rebellion thing. I didn't listen to a lot of Pearl Jam and Nirvana. I didn't wear Docs and Flannel, though I DID play hacky-sack with the stoners.
I am grateful that my Gen-X upbringing taught me independence, and I tried to instill that in my kids. I tried not to be a helicopter, I encouraged them to learn how to entertain themselves, and yet the oldest acts like an X'er and the youngest thinks like a Millennial. Personality differences have a huge effect on how this realizes itself.
I think there are people who loved the 80's because times were simpler and we were forced to find our own identity for survival. We loved the movies and the music but look back as realists. There are others who loved the 80's because they were the popular kids who had friends, two loving parents, and no problems. They look back through nostalgia glasses. Then there are X'ers who actually identify more with the 90's, who listened to Metal and Grunge and rebelled against their parents and smoked weed and don't give a f*ck. Those are different people, and probably the cool grandparents.
As someone born in that liminal space between the Baby Boomers and Generation X (some demographers call us Generation Jones), I can relate to much of the badassery portrayed in the Gen X memes, and in fact many of those that I’ve seen are usually shared by my old high school classmates, rather than Xers. But yes, as someone who worked in higher education for much of my career, I witnessed firsthand the helicopter parents as they dropped their kids off for college. Many were of my generation or Xers.
It's a fascinating twist. I watched the contortion and tried not to do the same thing with my kids. I'm also liminal between X and Y so I feel connected to both but yet not quite getting either. Logically, I can understand the over-correction X did. Just like Millenials have over-corrected in their own way. Hopefully, both will see it and re-adjust.
Thumbs up on this essay. One suggestion: don't include the very small generation of War Babies (Dec 7 1941 to Sept 2 1045) in the Silent Generation or the Boomers. The nature of the American home front into which we were born was female-dominated, cohesive in a world view, and filled 24/7 with gravitas and grief and unique female humor. It is time sociologists woke up to this small slice of history before we're all dead.
I love learning about these little liminal groups. Kind of like the Xennials like me who aren't quite X and are not quite Millenials but a good flavor of both. I'm honestly curious to learn more on the group you talk about. Do you have anything you can share? It would be fun to write on the female-dominated because it was a super interesting part of history.
I have too much to share :) Documents, photos, family narratives. My mother was a nurse; my aunt ran the local newspaper because my uncle had been drafted (over 42, but drafted for skills) to publish a newspaper for a battalion in Los Angeles. (900 miles to the south of our town of 1,400). I could write a book just on the "women of Main Street" and how the chamber of commerce (only men, but now, those men left are all over 45 or had medical or mental issues) refused to allow my aunt to attend meetings (she was ed/pub/owner of the weekly newspaper)! That situation lasted exactly three weeks...I'll stop now. But yes, it is indeed super interesting, and I'm grateful that I know it because no one ever threw anything away, and I inherited it all. So I have verbatim letters from aunt in newspaper office to uncle with the Army in L.A.
Good piece on Gen X, and I'm passing this on to a friend who's working on a book about generations. I never had kids but I was always mystified by the helicopter parenting and appalled at the coddling. I do think though, that there's more generational parental blending than you realize. According to you I'm a tail-end Boomer (1963) although others have pegged Gen X as starting in 1962, 1963 and 1964. I call myself a 'cusper' as I was born right around the generational change. Had I had children at say, 30 (1993) I would have given birth to later Millennials. The earliest Millennials would be 30 at 2010 and producing Zoomers. The earliest of a gen produce the early next-gen and the later ones are more inclined to skip a generation. Now, I'm not taking into account how fertility rates have changed over the generations, how Millennials are having fewer babies and how women have put off reproduction for careers or simply because they couldn't find a partner. I'm looking strictly at the repro years.
Great points. I did paint with a broad brush and intentionally so. I tried to hit center mass for a specific point and completely recognize the other ideosycracies. It's a push back at the generalized Gen X 'badass' meme and no more. The nuances are for another topic altogether! 🤣
Well I can still claim to be a badass because I don't have any farked-up kids to show for it. I kept my eggs to myself!
'Scuze me, I'm gonna go eat a KinderEgg while hang gliding in a hurricane WITHOUT A HELMET!!! Past my bedtime!!! And I'm gonna LIVE. 'Coz I'm GenX, futhahmuckah!!! ;)
Michael, do you always write epic takedowns on people you don’t know after reading only one of their posts?
Why didn’t you bother to read any of my posts that reveal what I actually believe & who I really am? Is it possible your admitted bias caused you to read my words in that one post (Why GenX Doesn’t Give A F*ck) with prejudice? Hence why your response to it was exactly the kind of reply you’d expect from someone who only read the title?
For anyone honestly & genuinely curious, you can read who I really am here:
Michael, I suspect you and I have a problem with the same type of person. The difference is I dislike that personality type regardless of which generational cohort they belong to, whereas you seem to be under the false impression racist, entitled, overbearing, regressive people don’t exist in every cohort.
Where was this level of discourse on the other thread? I wrote what I did because your comments on your post were, and are here, classic gaslighting. You provided a perfect example of a larger problem. I do appreciate your acknowlegement that I hit the nail on the head or, as you said 'epic takedown'
Your last sentence is insighful. It's a non sequitur, however, it does describe the person who wrote it very well, minus, perhaps, 'racist.'. What I saw, what I see, and what I wrote about was you being entitled, overbearing, and regressive. Clearly, I see that occuring in each cohort. You are looking into a mirror and reacting because what you accuse others of is a perfect description of yourself which explains why you have to block anyone who points out your behaviors (how many people have you blocked so far?)
When you first commented on my post you were already foaming at the mouth with bad faith arguments, so I treated you like the troll you are. I only responded to you here in the chance that any reasonable people would read my actual words instead of relying on your prejudiced opinions. I don’t expect you to acknowledge you’re wrong; that takes humility & emotional intelligence.
It wasn’t a compliment to call your poorly-written piece an “epic takedown”—it’s not a flex to be so emotionally triggered by an internet stranger who schooled you that you felt the need to write it.
You’re obviously dedicated to misunderstanding me and mischaracterizing me, so carry on if that’s what feeds your soul. It’s of no consequence to me 🤷🏼♀️
Go back and reread it. Your characterization is way off and the troll in the equation, as other commenters pointed out, was you.
Once again, your comment is looking into a mirror and your insults are just silly, like most gaslighting is.
You care so much you can't even control yourself. So much for not giving a f*ck. You're proving my points in spades. I wouldn't have been as pointed had you not headed out the gate with terrible behavior and zero curiosity. It's funny that you accuse me of your own behavior. Let's engage in dialog but please, at least be honest about your tact.
I will admit I’m fascinated by people with personality disorders & sometimes engage with them against my better judgment, hence why I didn’t simply block you the first time you trolled me.
Claiming I’m the troll who’s gaslighting & projecting is exactly what I’d expect from the narcissistic troll who’s gaslighting & projecting. It’s obvious to any thinking, rational person you’ve been projecting this whole time; the guy who trolled me in the first place and was so emotionally triggered he had to write this post is the one who cares so much he couldn’t control himself.
You’re making a simpleton’s mistake of confusing my intellectual curiosity about your personality disorder with caring at all what you believe about me or GenX in general. But that’s to be expected of someone with NPD— you’re so amazingly smart, impressive, and important that *of course I care what you say*, right?
So far, you've only parroted back at me what I've already said. If you're going to make a point, at least make one of your own, don't recycle mine. I appreciate the validation of my points but.... just try a little harder please?
Once again, it's the mirror, the fact that you keep missing this point is becoming glaringly evident. The best part is that the more you comment, the more you prove me right. That you can't see that is the entire point of my essay and what motivated me to write it.
Thank you for providing such a great example of the mirror.
I was born in 1981 like you, so I'm a fellow Xellenial.
And I must admit that even for me, it often takes a conscious effort on my part to tone down the "helicoptering." When my kids are e.g. doing something reckless etc., I'll sometimes get the urge to intervene, but then I remind myself to take it easy and recall how I've done similar shit back when I was their age.
It's a work in progress, but I do try to cut them loose to the extent that makes sense. Let's see how the Alphas turn out and what essays we'll eventually be writing about the Millenials raising them ;)
Right? I feel you there. I like to say my parenting borders a Karen calling CPS on me. Not that the kids are at risk but that no-one can manage risk anymore.
Nice Polymathic post! I figured this one would get comments, 😆
“I’m gen X, but THATS not me.” 😂 A lot of people seem to agree though. Good points in comments on age of parent with kid and number of kids also a factor in parenting style.
From Google:
“In the 1970s, the average age for a first birth was around 21 for Boomers, while today, the average age for a first birth is significantly higher for Gen Xers, often around 27 or 28.”
“The total fertility rate (TFR) for women in Generation X's birth cohort declined from 2.91 in 1965 to 1.84 in 1980.”
Interesting stats. I, too, anticipated more 'not me' comments or flaming, but I might have precluded that by calling out the gaslighting ahead of time. 😂 My big complaint is just the nostalgia of 'badass' unreconciled from becoming helicopter parents.
It hasn't ended with Gen X as helicopter parents. I see it at least as much or more with millennials. I've been directing and coaching youth Fastpitch tournaments for the last 20 years. So I see it every weekend. Although the siblings of these divas run around unsupervised while all eyes are on diva. I'm a 1971 Gen X and I do see what you are saying but my wife and I were not and are not (11 year old still at home) helicopter parents. We really despise those parents. Especially as directors. The entitlement that goes along with it. They bitch the most too haha. One thing I did learn, is how to be married after watching 5 divorces. Swore I’d never divorce and have made it 26 years so far lol. Now its easy.
Yeah, I see it with some Millennial parents. I'm an elder millennial and trying to raise free-range kids (12,10,8) with decent success. My peers, around me, are by and large sane. Other friends who live in cities report that Millenials can be as bad as X for helicoptering. It seems more politically aligned than anything with helicopters converging toward the left and not the right.
I’m probably not in a good position to comment as a Gen X who raised his kids in one of the safest countries in the world - Singapore, I remember wanting them to have advantages I didn’t - exotic holidays, access to books, etc. And advantages I didn’t have. - free higher education, but I don’t recognize your full portrayal of Gen X. I think Gen Z have become much more socially aware than we ever were, whereas X were apt to say “that’s how it is, live with it” to which we then put our heads down and worked out how to make the system work for us, Gen Z say “it doesn’t have to be this way” and shout out loud to change the system to fit them.
I respect both
But the question I would pose is who taught them to question everything? It was Gen X.
"That's how it is, live with it" is likely a sentiment we inherited from Silent/Boomer parents, the ones who went to war and went to work because that's what you do when you have to. We saw them work all the time and inherited that view of a work ethic. Gen Z have been raised hearing their teachers tell them they can "change the world," which is just an idiotic platitude which some of these kids take seriously, and then have the cognitive dissonance when they realize it isn't true.
Kids would be far more resilient if they were taught how to thrive within in it, and not constantly think it needs changing. Because the world, fundamentally, doesn’t change. People change. Laws change. Perspective changes. But the best we can hope to create ourselves is minor improvement.
My wife and I were just talking about how the 'you can be anything' idea sold to us Millenials was bullshit. I think it's a similar vein. Things can change but I like to follow Chesterton's Fence and make them better, not just destroy things.
I'm a Gen Xer, and this has driven me nuts too. I get the pride in the past but then I watched my friends become the most suffocating parents. I tried to raise my kids more as I was, but the biggest risk was Gen Xers calling CPS on my kids playing in the park if I wasn't there. Their dislike of Gen Z is similar to the Boomer distaste of Millennials. Which is oddly psychotic to despise your kids like that.
OMG, this hits home as I was a later millennial and the worst helicopter parents were Gen X. The worst part is they'd lecture us on how 'awesome' they were as kids with all their freedom and then not blink an eye as they tethered their kids with electronics, removed any challenge, and more. You're also right. They seethed at participation trophies, but I remember a lady I knew who mocked them, getting angry during our soccer club meeting that the team decided not to buy them for a tournament. How do you untangle that mess!?
I feel like I tend to do a pretty good job of navigating away from hero-worship of one particular generation or another, even mine (for readers who don't know, I am older and handsomer than Michael, but not by much).
Being Gen X gave me the chance to live through really important history. My lifetime connects the Jim Crow south, where my dad taught at a high school that was integrated by the federal gov't for the first time just before I arrived, and now I get to use AI for hours every day. It's like I have one foot in what feels like the ancient past, and one foot in the screaming, fast-moving future.
If anything, Gen X kids have a huge advantage when it comes to adapting to new, paradigm-shifting ideas. We've been doing it every few years already.
I've feel like you've done a good job with that navigation, too. Then again, you and I are naturally curious and have the humility to accept what we don't know, so there's that.
First of all, not your fault but - “The Silent Generation”?! My dad says they are the Beat Generation. I find that fully credible since he shares a birthday with John Lennon.
Secondly, I think you shoot yourself in the foot by accepting the premise that Gen X is super tough and resilient even though your own observations suggest the opposite. Our latch-key experiences made us INDEPENDENT. That’s only the first step towards resiliency, and it can easily become a problem instead.
I remember the day I realized that when the Boomers retired, instead of receiving long-awaited promotions, most of GenX was being skipped over in favor of Millenials. That’s just a sample of what it’s like going through everything in the shadow of the Boomers. We aren’t philosophically detached, we’re FURIOUS. We’ve spent our whole lives joking, “Whaddya think - Social Security still be around by the time we need it?” “Haha, not a chance.” Also, no joke.
We came along after the Civil Rights Movement transformed the practice of institutionalized racism in the US. We experienced integrated schools as something that was not just required, but commonly achieved. We benefited from transformational (and widely overlooked) Title IX legislation that cut back on institutionalized discrimination against girls in school. There was only one time in my life when I looked around a roomful of men my age and worried that they might be drafted. We had Johnson’s Great Society programs (including HeadStart and WICC). We had the New Math and saw the introduction of the IDEA Act.
We aren’t the generation associated with all of those changes, but we were the first generation to grow up taking a lot of them for granted. Then we arrived in a workforce dominated by white male Boomers and Beaters and GreatGens and they didn’t WANT smart, highly educated Black employees, women hoping to achieve work-life balance, and young, white men who had been conditioned to accept POC and women as peers.
Which is a comprehensive way of saying, each in our own way, as a group we’ve had a really rough time due to low follow-through on high expectations. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it does legitimately suck. It sounds to me like you’re taking aim at our coping mechanisms and acting like they’re something that WE are doing to YOU. As well as misusing the term gaslighting … unironically.
Great insights. This is what I love about poking at these topics is I learn so much from the comments. Plant a seed, ask a question, learn more than I'd imagined. Thanks!
When your entire identity is "I don't give a fuck", you very much give a fuck.
The author of that piece you wrote about must have briefly unblocked you in order to leave a comment down here, shilling more of her stuff before blocking you again. That sort of desperation wasn't cool in ANY generation!
That's funny. I haven't / can't see her comment which is weird. I'd think I'd have more admin control of my own comments section. But yeah, she is super cringe and yes, she cares more than anyone!! 😀😀
When I am logged in, I can't see her comment in your comment section either because she also blocked me. I can see it when I log out of Substack. I thought I saved a screenshot of that, and I can DM if I find it.
Unblocking someone, spamming their comment section with invisible abuse, and then blocking them again is a really glaring hole in the design of the block. It would behoove Substack to fix it with admin tools to that effect. After all, the whole marketing strategy is that you are in control of your newsletter!
Doesn't work on my end unless I'm signed out, can't even see direct links to where you are the leading comment. Sometimes substack is weird, I guess. In any case, I blocked her so that she can't vandalize my pages.
She's a trip. Incall her out for gaslighting and she spends all her comments gaslighting about her gaslighting. It's so blind it's funny, but funny sad. It certainly confirms why I wrote the essay to begin with! 🤣
As a young X-er (born in 79), I agree with a lot of what you're saying here. While i don't have kids, a lot of my X peers and family members do, and yes, helicopter is what I've been saying for years. As afraid as middle management, your probably right on that count, but I also believe it's highly dependent on the industry- the boomers were the horrible ones in my experience, then the millennials a close second.
I love Gen Z and I don't understand the hate (which is know is real). But there is definitely a fragility in a lot of these Z kids that unfortunately is a result of what you discussed.
To give X some credit though, we straddled a strange time between zero technology to not being able to live without it. Society is booming and we were born at the beginning of it. I also don't agree that crime is lower, it's just better broadcast, and there are more precautions to combat it (via helicoptering... not to say its the right way to do it).
Anyway, that's my 2 cents, and I personally don't like the Gen X hate that I've been seeing lately. I remember as a kid, I was always told to "show respect for your elders," and now that I'm approaching elder age, I see less and less respect for our generation. It's unfortunate because I waited for the day to be taken seriously, only to be told that I'm a worthless old person.
There's a lot of generational angst. I think the pushback, especially in my case, is the general Gen X attitude that they've avoided any issues. If each group of 'elders' took responsibility for their own foibles, we'd be a lot better. I know I'm going to screw up my kids somehow. My goal is to be honest with them and help them do better.
Completely agree - and I can appreciate the self awareness about potentially screwing up your kids... a good parent cares about this, and i think your approach is sound. Generations seem to move in extreme flux, which i hope starts to become a smaller sine curve as the years go on 🫠
You're far too young to be old :) Your generation suffered from following the ridiculously long powerhouse of the "Greatest Generation" and the overwhelming spoilage of the Boomers--children of those men who returned from WW2 with undiagnosed PTSD and held control locally and nationally through seven presidencies! (Reagan wasn't real military, but he played one in war-propaganda movies).
Valid points.
Hi, good comment, but crime is objectively lower, I’d recommend some Steven Pinker if you want to read or listen to a purely data driven view on how much less violence there is in the world than there was.
Edits: "As far as" middle management, and "you're probably right"
Lots to parse here. As with anything sociological, political, religious, etc., we tend to view people in blocs; I assume it's one of those "evolutionary survival skills" or somesuch. Discussing these kinds of things always leads to broad generalities, which you acknowledge. I'm a Gen-Xer (77) raised by a Boomer (52) who was raised by a Silent (29), so a three-consecutive generational span there, but my kids are early Z's (01, 02, 04).
Dealing with our childhoods is a complex endeavor, and leads to many different responses. Sometimes, if our childhoods were pleasant, we tend to repeat the mistakes of our parents because "that's how we were raised." If our childhoods were traumatic, we may repeat the mistakes of our parents because "that's how we're conditioned." We may respond positively to trauma and determine never to make the same mistakes our parents did. On the other hand, we may respond negatively to trauma and determine never to "do that to my kids," thus the helicopter parent is born. Both Helicopter Parenting and Karen Syndrome seem to me to be either Gen-X responses to trauma, or Millennial responses to being raised by older Boomers.
In my case, I was an only child of a single father in a small California town whose industries were Timber and Tourism. I had a terribly traumatic school experience through Elementary School and the first two years of High School, but home life was ok. My Dad spent a lot of time with his computer and his Ham Radio and his guitar, and thus I spent a great deal of time entertaining myself. It's one reason I've become a fiction writer, because I entertained myself with storytelling--roleplay with action figures or outside with my imagination, or movies or cartoons--all the time. I never craved extra attention, and that could just be due to my personality makeup. Other kids would have suffered under that, and perhaps become helicopter parents in the sense that "I'm going to be present, unlike my parents," and there you have it.
I also am very grateful that I was raised going to church. Understanding the Biblical stories and the Gospel helped me view suffering as being for a purpose. A lot of other Gen-X kids didn't have that, or resisted it strongly. My Dad was never big on drilling it into me, he just insisted I be exposed to it, it also helped that he was there and active, but I never saw him display hypocrisy. Other Gen-X kids who went to church had a lot of overbearing rules about it, and witnessed hypocritical behavior. I was not a natural rebel. I obeyed my Dad and my Grandparents who helped raise me later, because I knew they loved me.
My last two years of High School we moved because my Dad endured a nervous breakdown. When your dad is waking up from nightmares and eating the cat food, that can be a traumatic experience for any kid. My grandparents moved us and he got treatment, and I got a new start. I learned how to be more resilient, less socially-awkward, stand up for myself, and finished High School in a blue-collar copper mining town that was far less cliquish. I didn't do the rebellion thing. I didn't listen to a lot of Pearl Jam and Nirvana. I didn't wear Docs and Flannel, though I DID play hacky-sack with the stoners.
I am grateful that my Gen-X upbringing taught me independence, and I tried to instill that in my kids. I tried not to be a helicopter, I encouraged them to learn how to entertain themselves, and yet the oldest acts like an X'er and the youngest thinks like a Millennial. Personality differences have a huge effect on how this realizes itself.
I think there are people who loved the 80's because times were simpler and we were forced to find our own identity for survival. We loved the movies and the music but look back as realists. There are others who loved the 80's because they were the popular kids who had friends, two loving parents, and no problems. They look back through nostalgia glasses. Then there are X'ers who actually identify more with the 90's, who listened to Metal and Grunge and rebelled against their parents and smoked weed and don't give a f*ck. Those are different people, and probably the cool grandparents.
Really good insights here. Thanks for sharing your story! This is exactly the sorts of nuggets I was hoping I could uncover.
As someone born in that liminal space between the Baby Boomers and Generation X (some demographers call us Generation Jones), I can relate to much of the badassery portrayed in the Gen X memes, and in fact many of those that I’ve seen are usually shared by my old high school classmates, rather than Xers. But yes, as someone who worked in higher education for much of my career, I witnessed firsthand the helicopter parents as they dropped their kids off for college. Many were of my generation or Xers.
It's a fascinating twist. I watched the contortion and tried not to do the same thing with my kids. I'm also liminal between X and Y so I feel connected to both but yet not quite getting either. Logically, I can understand the over-correction X did. Just like Millenials have over-corrected in their own way. Hopefully, both will see it and re-adjust.
Thumbs up on this essay. One suggestion: don't include the very small generation of War Babies (Dec 7 1941 to Sept 2 1045) in the Silent Generation or the Boomers. The nature of the American home front into which we were born was female-dominated, cohesive in a world view, and filled 24/7 with gravitas and grief and unique female humor. It is time sociologists woke up to this small slice of history before we're all dead.
I love learning about these little liminal groups. Kind of like the Xennials like me who aren't quite X and are not quite Millenials but a good flavor of both. I'm honestly curious to learn more on the group you talk about. Do you have anything you can share? It would be fun to write on the female-dominated because it was a super interesting part of history.
I have too much to share :) Documents, photos, family narratives. My mother was a nurse; my aunt ran the local newspaper because my uncle had been drafted (over 42, but drafted for skills) to publish a newspaper for a battalion in Los Angeles. (900 miles to the south of our town of 1,400). I could write a book just on the "women of Main Street" and how the chamber of commerce (only men, but now, those men left are all over 45 or had medical or mental issues) refused to allow my aunt to attend meetings (she was ed/pub/owner of the weekly newspaper)! That situation lasted exactly three weeks...I'll stop now. But yes, it is indeed super interesting, and I'm grateful that I know it because no one ever threw anything away, and I inherited it all. So I have verbatim letters from aunt in newspaper office to uncle with the Army in L.A.
Good piece on Gen X, and I'm passing this on to a friend who's working on a book about generations. I never had kids but I was always mystified by the helicopter parenting and appalled at the coddling. I do think though, that there's more generational parental blending than you realize. According to you I'm a tail-end Boomer (1963) although others have pegged Gen X as starting in 1962, 1963 and 1964. I call myself a 'cusper' as I was born right around the generational change. Had I had children at say, 30 (1993) I would have given birth to later Millennials. The earliest Millennials would be 30 at 2010 and producing Zoomers. The earliest of a gen produce the early next-gen and the later ones are more inclined to skip a generation. Now, I'm not taking into account how fertility rates have changed over the generations, how Millennials are having fewer babies and how women have put off reproduction for careers or simply because they couldn't find a partner. I'm looking strictly at the repro years.
Great points. I did paint with a broad brush and intentionally so. I tried to hit center mass for a specific point and completely recognize the other ideosycracies. It's a push back at the generalized Gen X 'badass' meme and no more. The nuances are for another topic altogether! 🤣
Well I can still claim to be a badass because I don't have any farked-up kids to show for it. I kept my eggs to myself!
'Scuze me, I'm gonna go eat a KinderEgg while hang gliding in a hurricane WITHOUT A HELMET!!! Past my bedtime!!! And I'm gonna LIVE. 'Coz I'm GenX, futhahmuckah!!! ;)
😀😀
Michael, do you always write epic takedowns on people you don’t know after reading only one of their posts?
Why didn’t you bother to read any of my posts that reveal what I actually believe & who I really am? Is it possible your admitted bias caused you to read my words in that one post (Why GenX Doesn’t Give A F*ck) with prejudice? Hence why your response to it was exactly the kind of reply you’d expect from someone who only read the title?
For anyone honestly & genuinely curious, you can read who I really am here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/genxcellent/p/gen-xers-know-where-our-children?r=oqdsc&utm_medium=ios
https://open.substack.com/pub/genxcellent/p/the-thing-some-gen-xers-do-that-drives?r=oqdsc&utm_medium=ios
Michael, I suspect you and I have a problem with the same type of person. The difference is I dislike that personality type regardless of which generational cohort they belong to, whereas you seem to be under the false impression racist, entitled, overbearing, regressive people don’t exist in every cohort.
Where was this level of discourse on the other thread? I wrote what I did because your comments on your post were, and are here, classic gaslighting. You provided a perfect example of a larger problem. I do appreciate your acknowlegement that I hit the nail on the head or, as you said 'epic takedown'
Your last sentence is insighful. It's a non sequitur, however, it does describe the person who wrote it very well, minus, perhaps, 'racist.'. What I saw, what I see, and what I wrote about was you being entitled, overbearing, and regressive. Clearly, I see that occuring in each cohort. You are looking into a mirror and reacting because what you accuse others of is a perfect description of yourself which explains why you have to block anyone who points out your behaviors (how many people have you blocked so far?)
More on Looking Into a Mirror here: https://www.polymathicbeing.com/p/looking-into-a-mirror
When you first commented on my post you were already foaming at the mouth with bad faith arguments, so I treated you like the troll you are. I only responded to you here in the chance that any reasonable people would read my actual words instead of relying on your prejudiced opinions. I don’t expect you to acknowledge you’re wrong; that takes humility & emotional intelligence.
It wasn’t a compliment to call your poorly-written piece an “epic takedown”—it’s not a flex to be so emotionally triggered by an internet stranger who schooled you that you felt the need to write it.
You’re obviously dedicated to misunderstanding me and mischaracterizing me, so carry on if that’s what feeds your soul. It’s of no consequence to me 🤷🏼♀️
Go back and reread it. Your characterization is way off and the troll in the equation, as other commenters pointed out, was you.
Once again, your comment is looking into a mirror and your insults are just silly, like most gaslighting is.
You care so much you can't even control yourself. So much for not giving a f*ck. You're proving my points in spades. I wouldn't have been as pointed had you not headed out the gate with terrible behavior and zero curiosity. It's funny that you accuse me of your own behavior. Let's engage in dialog but please, at least be honest about your tact.
I will admit I’m fascinated by people with personality disorders & sometimes engage with them against my better judgment, hence why I didn’t simply block you the first time you trolled me.
Claiming I’m the troll who’s gaslighting & projecting is exactly what I’d expect from the narcissistic troll who’s gaslighting & projecting. It’s obvious to any thinking, rational person you’ve been projecting this whole time; the guy who trolled me in the first place and was so emotionally triggered he had to write this post is the one who cares so much he couldn’t control himself.
You’re making a simpleton’s mistake of confusing my intellectual curiosity about your personality disorder with caring at all what you believe about me or GenX in general. But that’s to be expected of someone with NPD— you’re so amazingly smart, impressive, and important that *of course I care what you say*, right?
So far, you've only parroted back at me what I've already said. If you're going to make a point, at least make one of your own, don't recycle mine. I appreciate the validation of my points but.... just try a little harder please?
Once again, it's the mirror, the fact that you keep missing this point is becoming glaringly evident. The best part is that the more you comment, the more you prove me right. That you can't see that is the entire point of my essay and what motivated me to write it.
Thank you for providing such a great example of the mirror.
I was born in 1981 like you, so I'm a fellow Xellenial.
And I must admit that even for me, it often takes a conscious effort on my part to tone down the "helicoptering." When my kids are e.g. doing something reckless etc., I'll sometimes get the urge to intervene, but then I remind myself to take it easy and recall how I've done similar shit back when I was their age.
It's a work in progress, but I do try to cut them loose to the extent that makes sense. Let's see how the Alphas turn out and what essays we'll eventually be writing about the Millenials raising them ;)
Right? I feel you there. I like to say my parenting borders a Karen calling CPS on me. Not that the kids are at risk but that no-one can manage risk anymore.
Nice Polymathic post! I figured this one would get comments, 😆
“I’m gen X, but THATS not me.” 😂 A lot of people seem to agree though. Good points in comments on age of parent with kid and number of kids also a factor in parenting style.
From Google:
“In the 1970s, the average age for a first birth was around 21 for Boomers, while today, the average age for a first birth is significantly higher for Gen Xers, often around 27 or 28.”
“The total fertility rate (TFR) for women in Generation X's birth cohort declined from 2.91 in 1965 to 1.84 in 1980.”
Interesting stats. I, too, anticipated more 'not me' comments or flaming, but I might have precluded that by calling out the gaslighting ahead of time. 😂 My big complaint is just the nostalgia of 'badass' unreconciled from becoming helicopter parents.
It hasn't ended with Gen X as helicopter parents. I see it at least as much or more with millennials. I've been directing and coaching youth Fastpitch tournaments for the last 20 years. So I see it every weekend. Although the siblings of these divas run around unsupervised while all eyes are on diva. I'm a 1971 Gen X and I do see what you are saying but my wife and I were not and are not (11 year old still at home) helicopter parents. We really despise those parents. Especially as directors. The entitlement that goes along with it. They bitch the most too haha. One thing I did learn, is how to be married after watching 5 divorces. Swore I’d never divorce and have made it 26 years so far lol. Now its easy.
Yeah, I see it with some Millennial parents. I'm an elder millennial and trying to raise free-range kids (12,10,8) with decent success. My peers, around me, are by and large sane. Other friends who live in cities report that Millenials can be as bad as X for helicoptering. It seems more politically aligned than anything with helicopters converging toward the left and not the right.
That's what I see. I don't like the gen wars on social media. I think all gens should learn from each other. Like you said, its not to late.
I’m probably not in a good position to comment as a Gen X who raised his kids in one of the safest countries in the world - Singapore, I remember wanting them to have advantages I didn’t - exotic holidays, access to books, etc. And advantages I didn’t have. - free higher education, but I don’t recognize your full portrayal of Gen X. I think Gen Z have become much more socially aware than we ever were, whereas X were apt to say “that’s how it is, live with it” to which we then put our heads down and worked out how to make the system work for us, Gen Z say “it doesn’t have to be this way” and shout out loud to change the system to fit them.
I respect both
But the question I would pose is who taught them to question everything? It was Gen X.
"That's how it is, live with it" is likely a sentiment we inherited from Silent/Boomer parents, the ones who went to war and went to work because that's what you do when you have to. We saw them work all the time and inherited that view of a work ethic. Gen Z have been raised hearing their teachers tell them they can "change the world," which is just an idiotic platitude which some of these kids take seriously, and then have the cognitive dissonance when they realize it isn't true.
I hope they can change the world. They just have to realize that it happens slowly and it is done en-mass not at an individual level.
Kids would be far more resilient if they were taught how to thrive within in it, and not constantly think it needs changing. Because the world, fundamentally, doesn’t change. People change. Laws change. Perspective changes. But the best we can hope to create ourselves is minor improvement.
My wife and I were just talking about how the 'you can be anything' idea sold to us Millenials was bullshit. I think it's a similar vein. Things can change but I like to follow Chesterton's Fence and make them better, not just destroy things.
Valid points.
I'm Gen X. My kid was free roam like I was. Lol. I don't understand helicopter parents at all. I think they're just control freaks.
Agree. I'm in that liminal space between X and Millenials, and my kids are as free-range as I can manage between CPS and Karens.
Yay🥳 I know they'll appreciate that💕
I'm a Gen Xer, and this has driven me nuts too. I get the pride in the past but then I watched my friends become the most suffocating parents. I tried to raise my kids more as I was, but the biggest risk was Gen Xers calling CPS on my kids playing in the park if I wasn't there. Their dislike of Gen Z is similar to the Boomer distaste of Millennials. Which is oddly psychotic to despise your kids like that.
OMG, this hits home as I was a later millennial and the worst helicopter parents were Gen X. The worst part is they'd lecture us on how 'awesome' they were as kids with all their freedom and then not blink an eye as they tethered their kids with electronics, removed any challenge, and more. You're also right. They seethed at participation trophies, but I remember a lady I knew who mocked them, getting angry during our soccer club meeting that the team decided not to buy them for a tournament. How do you untangle that mess!?
I feel like I tend to do a pretty good job of navigating away from hero-worship of one particular generation or another, even mine (for readers who don't know, I am older and handsomer than Michael, but not by much).
Being Gen X gave me the chance to live through really important history. My lifetime connects the Jim Crow south, where my dad taught at a high school that was integrated by the federal gov't for the first time just before I arrived, and now I get to use AI for hours every day. It's like I have one foot in what feels like the ancient past, and one foot in the screaming, fast-moving future.
If anything, Gen X kids have a huge advantage when it comes to adapting to new, paradigm-shifting ideas. We've been doing it every few years already.
I've feel like you've done a good job with that navigation, too. Then again, you and I are naturally curious and have the humility to accept what we don't know, so there's that.
It's almost like it matters more how curious you are than when you were born. Hmmm....
First of all, not your fault but - “The Silent Generation”?! My dad says they are the Beat Generation. I find that fully credible since he shares a birthday with John Lennon.
Secondly, I think you shoot yourself in the foot by accepting the premise that Gen X is super tough and resilient even though your own observations suggest the opposite. Our latch-key experiences made us INDEPENDENT. That’s only the first step towards resiliency, and it can easily become a problem instead.
I remember the day I realized that when the Boomers retired, instead of receiving long-awaited promotions, most of GenX was being skipped over in favor of Millenials. That’s just a sample of what it’s like going through everything in the shadow of the Boomers. We aren’t philosophically detached, we’re FURIOUS. We’ve spent our whole lives joking, “Whaddya think - Social Security still be around by the time we need it?” “Haha, not a chance.” Also, no joke.
We came along after the Civil Rights Movement transformed the practice of institutionalized racism in the US. We experienced integrated schools as something that was not just required, but commonly achieved. We benefited from transformational (and widely overlooked) Title IX legislation that cut back on institutionalized discrimination against girls in school. There was only one time in my life when I looked around a roomful of men my age and worried that they might be drafted. We had Johnson’s Great Society programs (including HeadStart and WICC). We had the New Math and saw the introduction of the IDEA Act.
We aren’t the generation associated with all of those changes, but we were the first generation to grow up taking a lot of them for granted. Then we arrived in a workforce dominated by white male Boomers and Beaters and GreatGens and they didn’t WANT smart, highly educated Black employees, women hoping to achieve work-life balance, and young, white men who had been conditioned to accept POC and women as peers.
Which is a comprehensive way of saying, each in our own way, as a group we’ve had a really rough time due to low follow-through on high expectations. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it does legitimately suck. It sounds to me like you’re taking aim at our coping mechanisms and acting like they’re something that WE are doing to YOU. As well as misusing the term gaslighting … unironically.
Great insights. This is what I love about poking at these topics is I learn so much from the comments. Plant a seed, ask a question, learn more than I'd imagined. Thanks!
When your entire identity is "I don't give a fuck", you very much give a fuck.
The author of that piece you wrote about must have briefly unblocked you in order to leave a comment down here, shilling more of her stuff before blocking you again. That sort of desperation wasn't cool in ANY generation!
That's funny. I haven't / can't see her comment which is weird. I'd think I'd have more admin control of my own comments section. But yeah, she is super cringe and yes, she cares more than anyone!! 😀😀
When I am logged in, I can't see her comment in your comment section either because she also blocked me. I can see it when I log out of Substack. I thought I saved a screenshot of that, and I can DM if I find it.
Unblocking someone, spamming their comment section with invisible abuse, and then blocking them again is a really glaring hole in the design of the block. It would behoove Substack to fix it with admin tools to that effect. After all, the whole marketing strategy is that you are in control of your newsletter!
That's weird, I found it in incogneto mode, then was able to see it when I copied the comment link back. See if this works for you:
https://open.substack.com/pub/polymathicbeing/p/from-latchkey-kids-to-helicopter?utm_campaign=comment-list-share-cta&utm_medium=web&comments=true&commentId=85928310
Doesn't work on my end unless I'm signed out, can't even see direct links to where you are the leading comment. Sometimes substack is weird, I guess. In any case, I blocked her so that she can't vandalize my pages.
She's a trip. Incall her out for gaslighting and she spends all her comments gaslighting about her gaslighting. It's so blind it's funny, but funny sad. It certainly confirms why I wrote the essay to begin with! 🤣